Square root of 1 = SUCKS.

Sometimes I feel like no matter how far I get or how hard I am working..
I always end up back at square one.
I achieve goals but then its like I get there and it turns into another dark hole and I may or may not be able to see a light.
It's frustrating.
I try to be optimistic but I am tired.
I need support.

What I need I can't have.

<3 Be Peaceful.

knowledge

I spoke to a very knowledgeable gentlemen recently and he told me something I always knew but didn't know how to put it into words.
Some people are dating.
Some people are IN dating.
and some people are IN a relationship.
All three of these are very different things.
I am IN a relationship. I am faithful, In love, and have no interest in anyone besides my boyfriend.
When people are dating they are not yet in love maybe lust. They date maybe multiple people.
People IN dating think they are in a relationship but they aren't. and may be doing the same things as people who are dating.

And it's annoying to me that people think they are IN a relationship but are really IN dating.
I work hard to be IN a relationship when others pretend they do.

people don't realize the truth. I am glad I finally understand.

<3 Be peaceful

10.10.10<3

Short and sweet.

I need scholarships.
Feel free to do some research or hook me up =)

A place.

Everyone has a place, everyone crosses your path for some reason or another.
Some are meant to stay and others just fly in to teach a lesson or leave an imprint or maybe not make a mark at all.
I feel like some stay and some fade.
I know he was meant to stay.
10.10.10 <3 you make me so happy.

<3 Be Peaceful

sick and alone.w

i feel  like its just me in this world. no one else cares or stands a place in my life anoymore. no one stands out for making an effort to be in my life.
i think i could go weeks and no one would even realize they hadnt talked to me.
the people who do go out of their way seems to always be looking for the worst.
expecting me to tell them my life is horrible just so they will feel better about them selves
well i guess ill figure it out on my own because you people dont matter to me if i dont matter to you.

Tomorrow.

Is my last four am shift for awhile =D

I couldn't be more thrilled!

Sleeping for two more hours sounds like a plan to me!

Also.. I would just like to say that although I am stressed and not everything is working out as I planned.. I am happy in Orlando.

The weather is nice, I have a cool roommate, I am working and making money again..thank gosh..maybe I can feel like a normal human again soon, and I am surrounded with people that love me.

Although I can't wait for August to come because I know it will bring time off, be almost the beginning of the end of school, and bring lots of new opportunity,.. maybe..just maybe.. 

I will live today.

<3 Be Peaceful

10.10.10<3

The good things and the better things.

There are the good things in life and there are the better things in life.
I am at the good stage.
I want to be at the better stage.
It's always a waiting game ya know?

Anyway.. Today I shadowed at the cafe in my resort.. it wasn't that much fun..good thing its not my job lol.
I start my real job Weds. I am kinda nervous but.. I think I am more nervous about the hours then the actual task at hand.
I have to be at work and ready at 4am... UGH! who even functions at that time.. guess I better get used to it.
My plan.. Stay up late tonight.. sleep all day tomorrow.. Go to work.. come home and SLEEPPPP! repeat..
cuz guess why.. I HAVE TO DO IT WED, THUR, FRI, SAT!
WHAAAA(cries like a baby) I hope this isn't my schedule forever..
can we rotate already?

<3 Be Peaceful.

p.s. I love my boyfriend<3 10.10.10

wow..havent posted in awhile.
today is a good day to start again though.. im all moved in down here in orlando and i have to say im liking it more than expected but.. i havent worked yet so we will see how it goes on wed.
anyway i have five roommates and the one in my room named lori is amazing. she is rly cool to chill with and i couldnt have asked for a better roommate.
also its a good day because in fifteen minutes it will be me and my loves six month anniversary. which i am extremely excited about even tho i will not be able to spend it with him he is always in my heart and on my mind and i cant wait until we are together again.
lastly i will end my blog with..could i possibly get sick any more this year? ugh.

more later
be peaceful

thats just the way it is.

as i sit in this nearly empty room with music blaring and a friendly game of pong in full rage i cant help but think of how it used to be and i think of how it is now
i used to think life was so hard and there was nothing i really cared about.
now i feel like i have a reason to be happy and realize life..has gotten harder
i feel like the people around me arent seeing clearly
their vision is blurry, the vision of what life is for them is all wrong
maybe im not living correctly but i am living it right for the moment
i want to shake some people and show them how disappointing they look living the way they live. what they do is not living the life its life thrown down the drain but... i wont ever tell them.. ill just keep it to myself and think.. thatsjust the way it is.