havent posted in a while

its so weird to not be on my computer on a regular basis. but maybe i was just on it alot to pass the time quicker
now im home with everyone i love and especially my lovely boyfriend and the worlds pretty good besides me feeling like shit but whats new right?
the days are going by quick tho and soon it will be time to go back to ny, alone.
thats the unfortunate part..it cant last forever
but i made it last time i guess ill make it again.
im glad to report that the wait is def worth it..im loving every minute of my time
the new week is going to be even better since the holidays are over and im free to roam as i will
more at a later date when my heads not throbbing.
ten.ten.ten.

be peaceful

Your hands are shaking cold, these hands are meant to hold.

The days have passed They are gone
I have made it.
and the reward will be suited for the kings
I am getting more and more anxious and my my brain has drifted
no longer does it contemplate pastry cream versus cream caramel
but Sleeping in versus spending the day out
Sleeping at home or not
What dinner options I will have
What presents I will receive
and what the turkey will be like this year
My mind is fixed....

On home.

10.10.10<3 I am in love with you.

<3 Be Peaceful and Happy Holidays.

P.S. List of sweet presents thus far:
Scooter
Mix Tapes
Hand warmers
Pickles
Paint
Air Freshner
Pencil Sharpener
Scarf
Buddah
Coasters
Necklaces
Earrings
Earrings
Picture frame
Candy

Amazingness

Home is where ever I am with you..

This song has come to mean so much to me over the last couple months as Ally has played it in our room..

At first I always thought of my boyfriend.. Because honestly I don't care where I am.. if he was there I think I'd be genuinely happy and I would do anything and go anywhere for him.

But tonight this song changed a little bit...

I realized tonight something I never had before.

Never have I ever met some one so genuinely caring.. some one sooo kind and unselfish.

And never have I ever had such a good friend.

I am happy to have you as my friend and you have made this home for me

I could never repay you and am forever greatful

I cannot wait to show you my home to which I hope you will consider a home away from home as well.

Thank you too everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday.. I appreciate it and my day had a really good ending.

the days are disappearing and are minimal soon I'll be exactly where I want to be

10.10.10

<3 Be Peaceful

You know why?

Because it's My Birthday and I'll cry if I want too.

I'm tryin.

This is hard.
I thought it would get easier.
It hasn't
For some reason it feels harder, almost like it's taking more effort than ever before.
I wish it wasn't like this.
But I have no choice
Bliss is happiness.

They never said it was gunna be easy.. just that it would be worth it... right?
I need reassurance.


<3 Be Peaceful

homeboys dying.. RUN!

Ever get that feeling that you're alone in a room full of people?
I know it's so cliche but the feeling is so true
I feel like I am alone in my thoughts and feelings.. there is no one to talk to that could truly understand
Yes I know I have loved ones and people that care about me to talk to but...
it's only to a certain point... they can nod their heads and tell me everything will work out and everything will be okay but it doesn't suppress my worries, thoughts, feelings, anxiety.
I don't know how I'm gunna do this... but I am gunna try because it will be worth it and in the end I will be happy.

ugh why can't I ever get good news.. not good news with some bad.
for once I just want good news.. everything to be good.

regardless.. I'm happy.
4 more days.
10.10.10

<3 Be Peaceful

p.s. Lord of the rings with Al and Morgan is dank. Love you guys, thanks for making me laugh, I need it.

waking up to you.

This morning I woke up to the usual...
My phone blinking green telling me I had missed a text or a call or something wanted my attention.
This happens most mornings and checking my phone as I wake up has become a habit
Usually its slightly annoying because it indicates that I cannot sleep through the night with out technology or the world around me bugging me.
Yes I do realize I could and most likely should turn my phone off but I'm a college student and frankly.... my phone plays a major role in my life.
It's my alarm clock, my news and weather channel, my email, my music player, horoscope, communication device, my internet source(when school internet does work which is usually), and I'm even blogging this currently on my phone.
I feel as if the day I turn off my phone I will miss that important call or email or text.
So as my phone blinked at me this morning.. half asleep I checked to see who I had missed chatting with
and much to my surprise and happiness I had one text only...
a text from my boyfriend whom I haven't seen in months.. saying I love you.
and this text made my day.
Not much currently could make me happier then waking up to a message from him
and it made me realize... I love him and I cant picture my self with any one else.
I'm happy... I hope who ever you are that's reading this is too...

10.10.10<3 five more days.

<3 Be Peaceful...
Make someones day today.

it's not always rainbows and butterflies; it's compromise that moves us along.

Positivity in the worst situations is key.
If I believe things will turn out well in turn they will because I will strive to find the good in everything.
I am a strong believer in this theory. I think therefore I will be.
Maybe this is a naive approach but I like it.
and as many know my philosophy... whateva whateva I do what I want!
I feel like my mind has be lagging in a way.. like my brain is empty..
then I realized that I am just alright.
I'm not dying, My life doesn't suck horrible even though I believe it does sometimes, and I have a few people who actually care about me... So what's there to really process.
Well besides the endless list of what not I have to do.. but when is that not true in anyone's life?


On another note... I sat on a bed on the floor eating microwaved chicken nuggets with ranch and hot sauce tonight.
and I have to say it was one of the highlights of my week thus far...
I live for the night where I get to laugh with my roommates and do stupid things I'll probably forget by next week but made me happy in that moment.
Who cares about the rest of it.. I just wanna be happy right now.... it that okay?


6 days. 10.10.10<3


<3 Be Peaceful.... and make someone laugh today.

Pies and Scones alllll day.

Yesterday we made scones and biscuits
Today we made Pies.
I love scones and pies.. I have decided they are my passions.
I would makes them all day everyday if I could.
and even though I have been sick and have had a few crappy days.. making them made me happy.
Which was a nice change.

I am slightly stressed but I think it's about things that are not in dire need to be done.
I need to start a TO-DO list.

anyway... I am thrilled that we will be having roommate time(decided as of tonight)
and may I say it's much needed.. especially since we are all going home soon.

its freakin 3 am.. I'm going to sleep.. Ill write something of substance tomorrow.

7 days feels so close...
10.10.10<3

<3 Be Peaceful

LifetimeRealization.

"Your eating Ben and Jerry's in your PJ's watching a lifetime movie, that's how cliche this is!"- Juhbronie

As stupid and sappy as it was..this movie made me realize something though...

The last few days as the count down has gotten superrrr low (9days) I have been freaking out a little bit(actually a lot bit) and I have been super nervous.

For what reasons I cannot even begin to explain in any sense worthy way.

but here's what...

I'm scared.

I know this.. I know I am scared... I have the right to be?... Not sure..

But what I do know is that I am about to step into something that has been my fairy tale

something I have dreamt about

something my heart hinges off of

the "Perfect" if there ever could be one.

and the idea of this actually happening.. is frankly mind boggling 

and scary!

mostly because I cannot not go through with it.

I have to do this.. I want! to do this.

and there is potential... not only good but also the potential to break my heart.

Frankly..I'm just scared to have my heart broken.

thanks lifetime.

Marry me is a good movie.

Thanks for a good laugh Al and Steve.

10.10.10

<3 Be Peaceful

Lets celebrate...

Sittin in my bed.. watching some movie(honestly don't know what it is) on BET..
Home work is done... Not motivated enough to take my laundry down stairs..
Ate chef Boyardee for dinner..

The college life at it's finest ladies and gentlemen.
And to top it off...
The weekend was pretty uneventful but I did catch up on my sleep which was a plus.

I had the biggest urge to pack today but obviously it's a little early since FL is still 10 days away.
It's going to be an amazing packing day though.. the girls.. opening presents.. getting pretty and ready to go.

End note... Christmas is gunna be epic..
and I need to find more entertainment. (maybe that's a sign I should study more)

<3 Be Peaceful

Hmmm..

I have been trying to watch what I say in consideration of others feelings..
but you know what?
Some people do not deserve the sugar coated version ya know?
and it is hard to be nice to people when they are not nice to you..
But I AM trying. 

Anyway in more positive thoughts..
In less than two weeks I will be home
I have never wanted to be home so badly!
I am looking forward to the holidays so much

HOMEEEEE oh home I wish I were home.

I'm bored... Someone entertain me?

10.10.10<3

<3 Be Peaceful

Haven't posted in 4 days.

I've been tired and have had a lot more homework then I use to.

But whats new is...

I am in Baking Techniques with Chef Haymon.. 

I didn't think I was going to like this class AT ALL

but although he isn't the biggest ray of sunshine I appreciate his way of teaching and I think I'm learning..

Which is the point.

I got a 10/10 on my first quiz which I am proud of.

Also I got my writing and Breads grades which boosted my GPA a little.

So overall I'm not doing so bad currently

I feel like this light at the end of the tunnel is what is really keeping me going.

Knowing I will be in Florida in less than two weeks making me so happy that I can hardly contain it

and I think about it pretty much constantly.

Although I suppose it is rather sad that once again I am wishing the days away..

I should be savoring everyday but.. it's hard with such events coming up

something else that is sad is that today I realized that maybe I am growing up

Every year prior I have had a birthday count down..

This year it feels like my birthday is on the back burner and maybe its not such a big deal

idk if it's because I will be in NY and wont really be celebrating or getting presents or anything

or if it's because going home excitement is out weighing it

or if in fact it is because you tend to care less about birthdays as you get older.

ugh who knows!

What I do know is.. I am tired.. Class and Yoga kicked my ass today

and I wish I would stop feeling sick....

welcome to the real world.

10.10.10 <3

<3 Be Peaceful my darlings.

Final Quote: "The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this; Decide what you want." -Ben Stein

In one ear and out the other.

First day of Baking Tech is dunzos.

Wasn't horrible..hopefully it stays that way.

I have had a lot of drama surrounding lately and I am here to say...

I'M OVER IT.

I don't want to deal with it anymore so I'm just gunna do me and not worry about people making asses out of themselves.

and that's the end of that just needed to make that quick announcement.

anyways, For some reason I felt like maybe I would get mail today but.. nothin.

Not getting mail here is unfortunate.. Its feels like jail and mail is your only life line.

Maybe if I start sending more mail I will get more mail? hmm.

another thing I would like to mention is Floridians bitching about being cold.

I am cold.

You are not cold.

and you should be thankful because you know all off you bitch mid summer when it's hot as shit.

Hot here is a blessing because its always chilly or freezing or a variation there of.

Sooo.. put on a freakin long sleeve and shut it.

I have like 8 layers on and look like I weigh 300 pounds.

I feel a little all over the place in this blog and in general lately but I guess in consideration of stuff going on in my life.. it's to be expected. 

Also I feel like my blogs haven't been filled with much readable content lately.. I'll try to fix this.

Only 16 more days till I will have a clear mind and everyone I love.

10.10.10ily

<3 Be Peaceful and Warm

p.s. Racket Ball with Al = Loveeeee<3333

Want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world...

Actual post of the day..
I'm sad the weekend is over
although I didn't have the best weekend
there were some highlights though.
A few I will mention (or re-mention I'm unsure)
Hangin' with Al eating McAwesomes.
Hangin' out with Steve "Juhbronie" Doucakis.
Venting to mi madre.
I'm not sure of much else.
but anyway, I'm not thrilled to be starting this next block..
I guess I'm going in with negative thoughts and maybe it will turn out to be a good block
I try to be positive but its hard sometimes
feels like it's especially hard around here.
I was a much happier more positive person back home.
Some things are just getting to me which I will not mention currently because I feel like I'm always complaining about something.


So positive = I am superrr excited to go home and get to celebrate the holidays and my birthday with everyone
also I cant believe I have been at CIA for this long and I guess it hasn't really killed me.
It hasn't snowed yet which I am very thankful for
and lastly I have started a project on my own and I am enjoying it greatly, keeps my mind of things just need a few more supplies for it.
18 days 10.10.10 <3

Song of the day- Only Girl By Rihanna

<3 Be Peaceful
And thanks for reading.

Epic Fail

I recieved an amazing letter from my bf.
and now.. I lost it.
I feel like puking and crying and screaming all at the same time.
could I fail at life a little harder?


End of post.

Hello Lover.

I have started some bad habits and they must stop
Sleeping in until 1pm is not cool man
also I have skipped out on the gym this past week so I need to get back on track with that as well

Anyways I have had a really fun weekend full of Ally and I have missed it greatly
Also I would like to say that I am almost done Christmas shopping.
and I am ready to be done!

lastly keeping this short and sweet...
I would really like to find some fun activities along with some outdoor adventures to take part in.
I want to be out. Off of campus and active.
any ideas?

Only 19 days until I return to the always great Florida
I cannot believe the countdown is already in the teens..
seems like it was 68 just yesterday and I was wondering how I'd manage..
I guess I have managed and now...
WE ARE ON THE HOME STRETCH LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
10.10.10<3

<3 Be Peaceful

It really is the little things.

I didn't have an amazing day in breads class today but..
When I returned to my room I got dressed and Al and I went on our way
The plan was to start our Christmas shopping. Kohls and Walmart were the targets.
So we drove and talked and vented to each other about current life situations
Once we got to Kohls we shopped around, didn't really buy much but looked around.
Then at Walmart we made laps and laps around the store in search of Christmas goodies.
On the way home we talked about the upcoming visit home and she put to rest some worries I was having
By this point we had gotten superrrr hungry since our CIA meal swipes left us with plenty to ask for.
So we stopped at the always trusty Mickey D's
As we looked at the menu , we quickly decided the dollar menu was the way to go.
and I explained to her the glory of the McAwesome.
McAwesome: 1 McDouble 1 McChicken. Slap them together and you have a McAwesome.
One of the best inventions in the world. The best of both worlds.
We both ordered the needed ingredients along with fries and drinks.
As we sat to feast we talked about how long it had been since it was just us two.
Back in the day it was always just Al and Stephie but lately it was usually the gang.
The change of pace was nice and refreshing to say the least.
anyways we feasted and spoke of how delicious it was all the while.
I suppose we discussed other things too but most likely less important.
As Al reached her last bite of McAwesome for some reason I looked up at her.
She put the chunk of awesome in her mouth and there was the slightest smirk across her face.
And that was the moment I realized it really is the little things.

Now I told you that to tell you this.

The McAwesome, the shopping, the alone time with my wonderful roommate is what made my day.
The sheer happiness that was wiped across Al's face as she finished her sandwich made my day.
The way I made her laugh when I told her the best Christmas gift would be a picture of her eaten a cheeseburger made my day.(in fact I love making Al laugh it's always really funny)
The hug from Al made my day.

Thank you Allyson Ball.
If it were not for randomly getting thrown into a dorm with you I would not have made it this long and will not make it through college. I love you my lil lady bug<33

Be Peaceful<3
And be grateful for those around you and the little things.

It's the little things that make or break your day in the end.

2 a days.

With help from Al.
I just tried to use some of my remaining extra meal swipes at court side.
Starting swipes left: 32

Items bought:
9 cookies/brownies
8 pints of Ben and Jerrys
4 Ben and Jerry's Ice cream bars
2 Ice Cream cookie sandwiches
2 Twix ice cream bars
1 Snickers Ice Cream bar
5 Bags of chips
9 Bottles of water

Remaining swipes left: 23

WTHHHH am I supposed to do with 23 swipes! hahaha
Our fridge is stockedddd... gotta love the college life huh?

I'm tired.. I need to study for my final tomorrow... ugh
 Ice cream party instead?
I think soooo!

<3 Be Peaceful

Oh how I have longed for you.

IT'S DECEMBER!
I cannot believe it is finally December again! I thought this day would never come!
It doesn't feel like December but I'll take it!
Good things are sure to happen in this month.
and I am looking forward to them so greatly!
I will be 19 years young.
I will be going back to Florida.
I will be with my boo finally.
It's Christmas.
December is just a really good month.
22 days until I get another break.
ughhhh<3
sooo excited.

goodnight world.
Happy December and Happy first day of Hanukkah!

<3 Be Peaceful

I am a filler

only useful when needed
the spot could be filled by anyone
not valid
not anymore
i wont be a filler for you
find someone new

id rather be on my own

cant wait to be back in florida
twenty three days

i am peaceful

be peaceful

I try so hard hoping one day you'll come rescue me.

I'm tired...
I have a essay to finish
but as usual I can't focus so here I am blogging..
Whats new right?
I am not thrilled to be back in NY but the fact that in less than a month I'll be home and with my boo is keeping me going.
I honestly can't wait to be back in Florida.
Seeing my friends and family was amazingggg and I had alot of fun.
kinda made me miss it that much more.
But I'll extern at Disney and then four months following I'll be in Florida for the whole summer..
maybe not in my town but atleast I'll be warm
and I am looking forward to being able to show Al my town when we get a chance.
I don't feel good..
I wish this stomach buisness would go away seriously
gotta wake up early.. go to quest =/
ugh.
I gotta finish this essay quick... the college life blowssssss!
The only good part is my darling roommates enjoying fat food with me.
Salsa and chips anyone?
23 days to go!

<3 Be peaceful
and stay beautiful.

cant get much betterr..

sitting in the atlanta airport... eatin some arbys for breakfast
i realize im an over achiever thank you
this is my very first blog via driod.
weird that it has taken me this long to post from my phone since its always with me and my pc isnt
i have however realized that i cannot make smiles or capitals  also limited punctuation.
i suppose youll all get over this haha
anyways  i am in no hurry wat so ever to get back to ny where it is a toasty twenty four degrees
and i am also in no hurry to go to breads class... maybe i wont... who knows
what i do know is that this will be an extremely long day
hopefully the next twenty five days will go by faster..

back to my arbys

Sandwiches and freaking.

I couldn't have said it better myself...
oh wait, I did say that.
Long story short is:
I have some pretty amazing friends and I have missed them dearly
You truly never know how good you have it until it's gone.
And some(I emphasize some) of my friends are just really awesome friends.
with a few awesome friends awesome family and an awesome boyfriend its possible I may rule the world.
I can't wait for Christmas break
I was having anxiety about coming down for Thanksgiving because it's such a short break but..
although it is short, the mini break it what I needed to get through the next 26 days
and it also reassured me that I am doing what I need to be doing right now.
well really it also clued me into some things I should or need to be doing.
But there is also agreement with and Al secret when she once said "you are the last person I wanted to see on Thanksgiving"
and although I did correctly state sandwiches and freak. She correctly stated this and it's brilliant.
by the way sandwiches and freak is probably the next big bang theory and is SUPPPPERRR valid.
The fire tonight made me happy, it was only missing one thing but...
Next time fer sure.

lovingggg 26 days left.

<3 Be Peaceful

No one said it would be easy.

and it's not.

But it will all be worth it.

I know this

I do.

I think I need to do something for me.

I mean I do but something more important.

Something.

I can't wait around.

I need me when it's not easy.

This is making sense in my head I swear.

I'll try to stop rambling and get back to this.

<3 Be Peaceful

I'm sittin at a bar on the inside waitin for my ride on the outside..

It's 2:30 am for all unaware.
I am very aware... and tired may I add 
But it's the College life right? Stay up late wake up early?
I feel I am my must productive between the hours of 8:30pm and 4:00am.
Maybe this is because I get out of class at 8 and then have shit to do since I sleep all morning long as often as I possibly can which may I add is not that often.
But I guess you learn to get used to it.. I doubt I'll ever learn to love it though.
Anyways Happy Thankgiving all.
Hope you're going to have a wonderful day(when you wake up that is)
I feel as though I have a tremendously long day ahead of me
also that a lot of people will be expecting a lot out of me today
But it will all be worth it in the end, I know this.
and it's finally Thanksgiving break
and in less than a month Christmas break..
4 long and tiring months ago I thought these breaks would never come
and that B-Block would be the death of me...
Now I know E-Block will.... J/K.. F-Block for sure though
and can you believe I am already over half way through E-Block?
It's gone by so fast and yet so slow all at the same time...
anyway..if I'm gunna make it through E-Block alive, I have an essay to re-write.


Happy Thanksgiving.. Make sure to give thoughtful thanks.
<3Be Peaceful

It's offical folks!

Today is a good day.

For the Following Reasons:

1) We are well into 29 days left. I cannot believe we are already in to the twenties and I can't wait to get them over with!

2) This is my 50th blog post. So I think happiness is an appropriate topic and will celebrate this feat.

3) Today is the last day of class until Monday and I am in hopes that it will be an amazing and fun filled Thanksgiving Break.

4) I have the best Boyfriend in the world, as well as Parents, Family, and Friends.

I am thankful for happy days like these especially since they have gotten harder to have

and what a better time to be thankful huh?

I wish I were capable of feeding direct instructions in to peoples heads so I could help them with what they should be thankful of.

Moving to NY for college has made me thankful of so many things I used to take for granted.

and I regret taking them for granted but I'm glad I realize now so that I can make good of them.

because in reality, It's the little things that get you through the day.

People don't realize how much seeing a familiar face, road, or car means regardless of if your actually friends, or know the street or car well... just the familiarity.

Or how much a hug from a family member means.

Or the smile of your nieces and nephews.

Or even just holding the love of your life's hand.

It really is the little tiny things that you forget are the things that actually make your day.

I don't have a lot of these things but I am making due and trying to live off the little things I do have.

Like making Ally laugh so hard she cries. 

or having Krissy corner squat in my bed.

or having 1 am talks with Morgan from our separate beds until we are both to tired to process.

Regardless of the circumstances or home sick feelings,

I am happy.

even if it's just for the moment.

and I will drink it up for as long as I can.

<3 Be Peaceful.

You don't even know!

The thoughts running through my head are crazy! 

and all of them are good!

I am so excited for this break from class!

I need a break badly!

and its only 29 days until Christmas!

I'm in a good mood the last couple days and I'm sure it's from the letter from my bf 

so hopefully it will stay.

<3 Be Peaceful darlings!

It's A Beautiful Day.

It's sad to say that I had almost forgotten..
forgotten just how happy my boyfriend makes me.
Today I wasn't in the best of moods it was just an average day and Disney didn't make me very happy today but..
Then I went to the mail room to drop off a letter for my boyfriend.
It was the 2nd letter I had written but hadn't gotten any in return..
Expecting nothing in my mail box as usual
(which may I add is very depressing, I love getting Snail Mail.)
but then!!
There it was.. a crumpled white envelope with his hand writing on it.
I obviously immediately FREAKED!
Opened it and started to read, I made it to the stairs of the mail room before I had to sit down
I was shaking and crying and smiling and laughing all at the same time.
It's like this uncontrollable happiness I get.
and just from a letter he can make me feel this way, with butterflies in my stomach.
I miss him soooo much and his letter made my day.. actually probably my week.
And it also made reassured me that it is all worth it and I love him more than anything.

Besides Gushing.. I found out from Disney today that upon my acceptance I will be placed in the Polynesian Resort Bakery.
Check it out if you'd like..
I am still undecided about if I am going to in fact decide but I think an up coming event will help me figure it out.

anyways I'm tired and Have a shopping list to make.

31 more days<3

<3 Be Peaceful.

The days we trusted faded away.

Today I hung out with the girls and we checked out tons of different little boutiques and shops.

As we passed from one to the other, I realized I prefer old over new.

I would rather spend hours in a used shop then go to a mall.

I feel like the story of the thing gets passed on through me.

And everything is beautiful even if it is the ugliest pink corduroy jacket you've ever laid eyes on.

So anyway I didn't get much at the boutiques but I did get a really sweet $4.00 Red corduroy jacket at Goodwill along with some lounge pants. 

I wish their were more good thrift stores around.

Anyway, This short weekend has made me annoyed.. I wanted more time. 

But Thanksgiving break will make up for it I'm sure.

Other news include... WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT FOR MY B-DAY!?

I do not know the answer to that question...

Ugh, This gets harder every year I swear.

I guess I should be thankful for the fact that I feel like I have everything I need..

Of course there are things I want but they are just stupid little things that are not present worthy I don't think.

Maybe I'll ask for a thrift store shopping spree.

32 days and counting...Can't believe were almost in the twenties.. I can't WAITT!

<3 Be Peaceful

where nothing grew but weeds I found a flower at my feet.

The long six day week is over..
I am glad and hopeful the next four days will flyyyyy by.
Tonight I spent with Krissy, Al, Annelise, and Cameron. 
Tomorrow the girls and I will being going to New Paltz on an outing.
And then sadly it'll be the week again.
Today when Krissy and I went to the mall I took a peak for a Christmas present for my BF..
It made me happy because I was thinking about him but also because that means its really here.
Christmas time again!!
Which also means my birthday is here.
and I will be 19...
what an age huh? I think I'd like to stay 19 awhile..
I don't want to be Twenty
at twenty you are not a teen any longer..
A real grown up.
The thought makes me want to puke...
Oh wait. That's just my stomach hurting.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE!


34 more days.
<3 Be Peaceful

She never compromises, loves babies and surprises.

It's Friday and the week should be over but..

It's never that easy is it?

Nope.. Saturday class tomorrow for some ungodly reason.

I've felt less stressed today..
I don't know why though because I still have the same amount of shit on my plate as I have.
Maybe because my feet felt like heaven today?
I got Birkenstocks today and they are like the God of Kitchen shoes.
Worth every penny.

As I was gliding around class today though I realized something.

My Tech Chefs Cursed me.

I HATE standing by watching people do things wrong or half ass..

and even more so when they know they are doing it.

You should be able to be proud of what you are making, everything you make,

not just do it as fast as possible to get it done because then it looks like SHIT!

And I believe I got this from my chefs. so. I blame them! I suppose it's a good thing though.

Anyway, I am still undecided about Disney..
I can't make up my mind... There are so many good reasons and yet bad as well.
How am I supposed to know the right choice? I'm only 18 I cant make these decisions yet.
I wish I could look into my future and see the right choice but that's impossible.
HELP ME?!
only 34 more days.

<3 Be Peaceful

fuck.

All I want to do it cry.
I want to quit.
I don't want to do this.

Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense.

I am stresssssed!

The fact that Disney only gives me two weeks to decide I want to go there for my extern is driving me nuts.

The fact that bakeries can't email me back is annoying.

The fact that scholarships take so much time is ridiculous.

There are only so many hours in the day and...

these two and three am nights and eight am mornings are starting to get to me.

I just need some get away time

But I know that even when I have a few days of for thanksgiving when I know I will be more relaxed

I will still have soooo much to do and so much on my mind I'll be on my laptop constantly trying to get ahead.

Always trying to get ahead.

Never gettin there though.

ugh. 

Christmas couldn't come any sooner.

I know that is the one time when I won't think about what I have to do

but more of what I want to do.

All I will need to do is smile and be with the family and man that love me.

36 more tiring days

<3 Be Peaceful

 

Be my,

Be my little baby
Say you'll be my darling
Be my baby now
Ooh, ohh, ohh, oh 

Sitting on my floor watching dirty dancing with my two wonderful roommates.
I started the day not so joyful but it has gotten better as its gone by.
Breads was fun and I love our chef.
It felt amazing to be in a bakeshop.. smelling the bread, being around stuff I love.
Then I came home and had a really good conversation with my roommate.
It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that is a good feeling.
Then to top it off I found out I was accepted to Disney College Program for extern.
This was amazing news since I was worried I didn't do so hot during the interview
and I really wanted to get in.
The not so fun part about it that I have to decide if that is where I want to go within the next two weeks. 
Can you say PRESSUREEE?!
I guess that's part of life though right?
Hopefully I make the correct decision. =/  (any opinions are welcome)
But the day is almost over and that means it's one more day closer to Christmas. <3 
I'm getting sooo antsy to get home and be around people I love and who really love me too.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day. 38 more days <33 


Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

Be Peaceful <3

Useless

Staying up way to late results in uselessness.
I am staring at my computer screen thinking about how I need to do Pre day one work but..Nothin.
I'm tired. In general and of certain things.
I cant wait for the days to fly by so I can get to FL already.
anyways. Lately I've been itchin for another tattoo but next I need to get some stuff touched up instead of adding more. Expensive and painful hobby.
Also I am having the hardesttttt time finding somewhere to extern.
I don't want to work at a restaurant and that's making it difficult
plus the fact that I have no idea where I want to go doesn't help at allll.
can't lie...I am a little stressed the last couple days.
I need a nap


<3 Be peaceful

To be Frank. IDFC!

When I left high school at the end of my 11th grade year I hoped and prayed my life would be drama free.
This didn't happen.
Drama, Drama, Drama.
Finally when I moved to NY I thought "DRAMA FREE FINALLY!"
And I accomplished it for a long time.
but.( there's always a but isn't there??)

Turns out people like starting drama.
DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!
And frankly I don't have the time, the energy, or the CAREEE for that matter.
I am completely over the high school bullshit and I wish people here would have left that shit at home.
Bring your socks, leave your drama.
Why can't you just leave it alone.
Like seriously? SHUTUPPP!

Over it.
I have no use for it or people who take part.
So.. PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: If you like to cause DRAMA stay the AWAY from ME!!!!
k thx.

<3 Be Peaceful.

I JUST WANT SOME NEW HAMPSHIRE TAP WATER!

Tonight was suchhhhh a good night.
I love hanging out with the ladies.
I love dancing like crazy.
I love fat foods.
I love good conversation.

I'll leave it at that.

<3 Be peaceful.

p.s. I ended with a B in my culinary class...Klugs not to tricky.  and I still can't find an extern I'm even remotely interested in.

TGIF

Ok so I know I should be studying for the final I have in a few hours but.. I can't focus so I might as well get all this stuff out of my head right?

So firstly Happy Friday to all! 

I am super happy it is Friday once again..

It means I made it through another week and it's that much closer to the holidays.

Besides my minor break down on Wed. 

I have had a pretty good week and hopefully it will continue.

Tonight I am hanging out with my lovely ladies and have a few other fun plans for the weekend as well.

Also Morgan is moving in TOMORROW. 

I can't believe it has already been six weeks, they have flown by for sure.

I'm sure my weekend happiness will hinder on how good I do or do not do on my Final quiz today.. Hopefully his trick questions are not to tricky. 

Chef Klug doesn't seem like that tricky of a guy but... people are not always what they seem.

Also in between the fun and games of the weekend I need to continue my search for a externship site.

Which is extremely frustrating because of course I can't be normal and just pick a bakery I have to look for the hard to get extern sites. 

and Career services has rarely been help. I NEED GUIDANCE! 

Ugh the life of a college student.

That's all for now.. Obviously I will update later with my final grade. 

<3 Be Peaceful

Today is a new day.

lets start with.. Be glad(very glad) I didn't blog yesterday.

Yesterday was a bad day fer sure even though I was trying so hard to be happy because it was a special day for me.. some people just know how to ruin your day ya know?

but as I was so wisely told by my lovely roommate and my corner squater that Today is a New day.

and I am trying hard to embrace that although I could really use a nap.

I feel like I did well on my essay that I just finished and I'm in a better mood. Also I'm looking forward to yoga tonight.

I am trying to proactively be happy everyday because it feels like it makes the days go faster.. plus being unhappy everyday is just..stupid. 

I would also like to address that today Nov. 11th is Veterans day. So Thank You to everyone in the service, I appreciate you. Also, I would like to acknowledge all of the people waiting at home for their loved ones.=) 

That's all more later. Have a wonderful day.

<3 be peaceful

p.s.

Recommended song= Vindicated 

and

Krissy- Get a new fuckin back pack, think about donuts more, you are a corner squater(officially), I like kicking you in the ass while I sleep. Al agrees with everything I just said. Promise

Yea..That just happened.

And so the days continue to pass

I went to the Disney presentation and have an interview at 10:30 tomorrow

I'm a little nervous because this is important to me

I have heard having to do a few interviews is typical but I would really like to ace it on the first try

obviously it will be blogged about so we will see what happens.

In other news, I find myself being more and more optimistic 

but I currently believe this also aids in my annoyance of others negativity

also I realized that when I am being negative...I just want to be negative for a little while

and at that current moment I don't want to hear any one's positive or optimistic views lol

Another thing I wanted to cover is that I feel I need to be more involved with school activities.

I always regreted not being more involved during high school and I don't want to do that again.

I want to take full advantage of everything around me

plus I'm paying a shit ton for it so I might as well right?

I also really want to start a green club.

A club that would help clean up the campus and that could do some volunteering opportunities.

So if any one is reading this and wants to help or can help, or wants to be involved, or help me get involved..or just has something to say feel free to get a hold of me

Lastly.. support a FL local and check out these cheesecakes.

http://blueswanscheesecakes.weebly.com/

44 days and counting 

<3 Be Peaceful

Things are looking up.

Today has been a pretty good day.

I woke up to a text from Mo saying it was time to make french toast

So we made delicious french toast from stolen Farq Hall Challah.

Then I continued my day by working on my essay and my resume.

After being slightly productive Al and I met Mo at the gym

where I had a lovely work out as usual.

This was then followed by a lovely shower.

Finally it was time for the Disney presentation of Toy Story 3

which was an amazing movie and then I got to talk to a girl who externed at Disney

Which I don't believe I have talked about in my blog yet so FYI!

I applied to Disney as a possible extern site in the Baking and Pastry College program

(you can check it out online)

Then to top of my day..Mo, Al, Krissy, Annelise, myself, and shortly after eric..

all gathered in the kitchen for family meal which we are trying to make a habit of

We made bowtie pasta with red sauce we made in class this week, garlic bread, and bread pudding.

Fatty and delicious! 

Prior to us eating I got to talk to mi Madre which is joyous to me on most days since I miss her greatly and can't wait to see her

She gave me more good news and I got to talk to her more after dinner and she made me laughhhhhhh and laugh

I realize daily that I am more and more like my mother. I am in fact My mothers Daughter.

and I wouldn't change that for the world.

then to end my night I wrote my first letter to my boyfriend.

When you go to sleep happy, you wake up happy, when you wake up happy, you have a happy day and so on and so forth. 

I stick by this philosophy.

Goodnight world! only 45 more days<3

<3 Be Peaceful

p.s. Do something nice today...make someone else happy...couldn't hurt right? ;)

heavy.

Things have been weighing heavily on my mind the last couple days.
Bad things.
I need to take care of these things so I can stop thinking about them.
I want to have light shoulders again.
Hopefully I can take care of them tomorrow or the next day and be done with it.
I hope.

Wish I was going home for Thanksgiving
But I know that's impossible.

That's all.

Pardon me while I burst into flames..

2nd blog of the day... so much for slacking.

I have felt like crap all day but 

knowing its the weekend and I can now write my love a letter has kept me going until...

I was sitting in the hallway waiting for class to start and I saw something

that was border line punishment.

I wanted to scream "WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME!"

and burst into flames all at the same time. (Which Incubus accurately describes in the song Pardon me.)

After I saw this sight I started whining and hitting my head against Krissys lap in a playful manner.

But really it affected me a little more then I'd like to show in front of every one

It's just one of those things you see and it just touches so close to home it kills you inside.

I'm sure your wondering well WTH did you see?!

And I will tell you.

I saw a girl in her chef whites walking down the hall way..

She was holding the hand of a man I assumed to be her significant other.

I'm sure you're probably thinking So what? you see couples together all the time.

This couple was not the same...

She was in her chef whites and he was in a US Army Uniform. 

And I was in Awe. I never thought I'd see this exact thing..

Something I have been wishing for(knowing it's impossible of course)

It made me sad, upset, and weirdly in some ways optimistic. I suppose in hopes that if they could make it work so could I.

I'm undecided on if I appriciate this or if it in fact was punishment. 

All I DO know is that I can't wait to see him. 49Days.

<3 Be Peaceful

Slacker.

Apparently I have been slacking on my blogging. 

and pretty much everything else as well.

Unfortunately I am sick AGAINNN...seems like I just got better and now I'm sneezing 24-7 all over again.

And being sick takes a toll on my productiveness(if that's even a word)

Anyway...I took my first Culinary Skills quiz and I got a 5/5 on it which even though that's not a lot of points I was happy about. I guess in some ways it proves that I understand and I have done this before so I kinda have a reason to bitch because it's a really boring class. Oh and we started cooking our own dinner last night... Guess what we made??

Steak and Potatoes(also risotto and cauliflower) none of which I was thrilled to eat. Can I just have a salad?

In other news... Plans for the weekend include Mad Hatters tonight depending on how shitty I feel. 

The rest of the weekend will most likely consist of Sleeping all day and night in hopes of being over this cold by Monday. As well as writing an essay and doing some home work.

God my life is so eventful....

Can't wait to be home 49 days <3

<3 be peaceful.

Optimistic.

This weeks not going as fast as the last ones did but I'm being positive. In another week Morgan will move in, Then I will be starting in an actual baking class, Then Thanksgiving, Then Christmas. It's nice to look at the white board everyday and see the days ticking away. We will be in the forties tomorrow. then thirties. then twenties. then ten, then zero. <3

Also, Even though I know I have been complaining about My lame Culinary skills class a lot I just want to acknowledge a few things. I appreciate a majority of the people in my class and I'm glad I got to meet a lot of them and I consider them my friends which makes the class not as horrible. Also its nice to be in a kitchen again especially the team work aspect. I love when everyone helps for a common cause. And the quiz today was super easy so that took some stress off. Never the less I'll be glad to bake in my next class.

Lastly I would like to say I am sick again and I hate the state of NY for this. I rarelyyyy go sick back home. FMLHC! luckily this one is not currently and hopefully will not be as bad as the last time. I can still semi function even though I have been in a shitty mood all day and everyone is annoying the crap out of me. and because of this..today I appreciate Morgan more then she will ever know. Stephanie <3's Mojangles.

<3 Be Peaceful

I've got a thinkin problem.

Thinking is not good sometimes.

and that fact is extremely frustrating 

because everythingggg makes me think about something

or another.

thoughts lately=

The possibilities of December not being anything I hoping it to be.

Dreads would be really cool to have but..its a hugeee commitment.

I wish I was doing better in school.

What am I gunna do for extern.

What am I gunna do for a career.

Old friends and relationships.

New friends and relationships.

The cold weather being the death of me.

The blocking of music download sites BLOWS.

My new roommate moving in.

Next years roommate choices.

Lack of sleep might kill me.

New chef shoes.

Getting a job.

Not having time for a job(or energy)

Being a hippie bum for the rest of my life.

I could probably go on forever.

ughhh. *sighs*

I just want peacefulness.

I guess if I cant be peaceful you still can so...

<3 be peaceful

Wishing away the days.

Today.
I am discouraged, tired, and plain frustrated.
Tomorrow.
Is the end of the week,
another week may I add.
The week went fast and it's the weekend again.
I like the weekends,
My stress fades ever so slightly and for a little while I feel like a teenager.
This weekend I'm hoping will be especially fun.
It's Halloween and I'll be spending the weekend with an amazing group of girls.
Hopefully everything works out as planned.


I don't really have much else to say.
I guess I'll end with...
I miss home.
I miss my family.
I miss being somewhere familiar.
I miss my Boyfriend.
I can't wait for the next 56 days to go by.
(I also recognize wishing for the future is sad. I don't like wishing the days away because I know I've done to much of that in the past but...living for today is hard when today is just not that great of a day.)

Thats all...
<3 Be peaceful

Unhappy.

Today I am less than happy.

I have been really happy lately

but I am tired today

I don't want to be in class anymore today but..

I have 5 more hours of boring to go

I wish these next two days would hurry up and be over with so I can sleep in again

And that will also be 2 days closer to Christmas break which is what I am mainly looking forward to.

Where are you Santa?! hurry up!

It's only Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with this week

58 1/2 days to go(its sad that I'm, counting half days.) 10.10.10 <3

<3 Be Peacful

Hello World!

It is a beautiful day today!

I have been with Morgan and Ally all day, I also saw Jenny today.

and the cherry on top.. I talked to my lovely boy friend today =DDDDDD (huge smile)

I think I had a heart attack I was so happy. It made my whole year probably.

Anyways tomorrow we are having a girls day.

Ally, Morgan, Krissy, Annelise, and I.

Were gunna look for Halloween costumes!!! =D

SPICE GIRLS HERE WE COMEEEE! YAY!

In other news.

I am very frustrated with the pull between being pleasant to certain people or being true to myself.

I don't feel like I should have to sugar coat things to make others happy.

and in return I don't think people should sugar coat it for me either.

I believe that if you are doing something rude or disrespectful then it should be expressed or taken care of then and there. 

I don't think people should get away with doing rude things.

and I also don't think that "it's the way you were raised" is an excuse.

Ugh. This is weighing on my mind constantly.

Why are you so rude?

Maybe if you weren't so rude to me or in general then I would be nicer to you.

Enough of my venting.

Even with the stress of a new class, the annoyance of rude people, and all of the other what not going on in my life....I am happy.

Really happy actually.

and..I know exactly why <3

60 more days 10.10.10

<3 Be Peaceful

Appreciate- to be grateful or thankful for, to be fully conscious of...

I feel appreciative of the people around me lately.
I have started to realize that I need to choose the people around me wisely
and that when I find someone I like I need to make an effort to keep them in my life.
As I'm talking about this some people are coming to mind
and I would like to recognize them.
(this may or may not be in order of importance)
Mom- I love you, I can't wait to come home and see you. Thank you for giving me the world.
Alan- Thank you for being so loving and supportive. I love you more than anything. <3 10.10.10
Al- You are truly amazing. I don't know if I have ever had a better friend. I admire and adore you.
Ty- I can't put into words how much you mean to me. You have done the most amazing things for me and you support Alan and I in everything. It means the world. You're one of the most knowledgeable people I know.
Heather and Tanya- Thank you for being such great sisters. I know you would do anything for me and I would do anything for you both. I am glad to have you guys in my life.
Dad- Thanks for makin me. =) I love you even if you make me mad sometimes. Maybe some day I'll admit how much like you I actually am.
Grandma- I love you. Your so supportive and I admire you for your positivity.

I'm positive there are many others that deserve to be in this blog but I only have so much typing space.
I just want to end that I'm happy for all of my new friends as well and for my caring friends back home.
I hope you all stay in my life.

I appreciate the world today. I have a good life, even if I forget that on my bad days.

61 more days 10.10.10

<3 Be peaceful

Your my number one.

Happy =)
Tonight was a really good night.
I hug out with my usual Al (love herrrrr)
and also hung out with Morgan and Krissy and then Annelise joined
Over all it was an amazing night and I laughed more than I have in a while.
I'm glad I have found good friends here and it was hard.
I have to admit I was slightly scared to have to start over
with friendship at least
especially since a lot of my friends back home I've known since kindergarten.
But my friends here are funny and they get me
and that makes my life easier and way more enjoyable
especially since I will be in class with these same people for the next three or so years


Also in this blog I would like to address that my mom totally kirked out when she say my Art school blog
so here is a clarification!
I loveeee baking and this is definitely the industry I want to be in
But I would love to be in the food styling industry which is hard to do without a art background
so me going to culinary school and then art school would make sense
but I still want to bake! baking is my passion
and as someone very knowledgable and important to me once said
"you must have relentless passion" -J.Osborne

In other news...
This week flewwww by and I hope it stays this way
I go into culinary skills on Tues
and I know the first week is going to suck since I'll be pulling 3- 12 hr days in a row but I'll make it
only 62 days left till I go home and see all my loves and my number one love!


<3 be peaceful

recommend song-
Banana pancakes-Jack Johnson (second time cuz its so damn good)

Cut outs

I cannot believeeeee I am a freshman in college and I'm doing cut outs.
Really I'm not complaining because its easy its just super time consuming
and so is every other assignment I have and I only have so much time!
What is one to do...I KNO! not sleeppppp!
bah ha!

So I have been thinking more and more about this four year plan...
Do I really want to stay here for four years?
A bachelors in baking would be nice but I'm just not sure.
I guess we will wait and see what I decide when the time comes.
Maybe I'll leave her and go to art school. I'm not sure yet.
Either way = a shit ton of money and a shit ton of debt.
Might as well do what I want and enjoy right?

Other not new news...I have finals tomorrow and Friday and it is gunna suck ass and so is going into a new class...its like just when you get comfortable they shuffle you around again.

I just wanna cuddle with my boyfriend  it would make everything a lot better.

Night-

<3 be peaceful

Tomorrows Doom Day.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...tomorrow starts final exams as well as the first day I will no longer get a "good morning" or "I love you"
I feel like i have prepared me self but I know not well enough
Have you ever tried so hard not to think about something that is just consumes your mind?
This has happened to me.
I can't stop thinking about not only the shitty current situation but also what will come of it in the near future and possibly the distant future
Hopefully all will end well.

In other news, (i feel like all i blog about its my stupid love life these days)
I have finals!!! YAY! finally I will be out of baking techniques and equipment
Dont get me wrong this is not a horrible class,
I just don't appriciate it much,
I feel like we should be aloud to test out of it
Next I will trek trough culinary skills which will lead me straight into Breads and hearth roll
and this my friends will all lead me into Christmas break. the thing I am so greatly looking forward too.

more later, its time to do some homework.
<3 be peaceful.

Just like every night has its dawn.

Today was a nice day,
I got to go to the high ropes course which was awesome
I would love to do it again.

This blog is hella old but would not load and soooo..here it is a few days late.
I will add more pictures laterrrr

We could close the curtains, pretend like there's no world outside.

Today I am Happy.

I was a little flustered that I wasted the morning sleeping but I was productive last night as was I tonight so hopefully I made up for it and can finish all my homework in a productive matter this weekend.

I have lots and lots of homework.

it is really unfortunate in fact.

Next week is my last week of my current classes..

I will finally step foot in a kitchen other then to receive my dinner.

but much like my unfortunate homework I will be doing unfortunate culinary skills

knife cuts, hot foods, and learning how to make sandwiches. sounds like a freakin BLAST!

I want to yell at the people who made my schedule...

Don't you knowwww! I picked BAKING for a REASONN!

I suppose I will survive though, I made it through Tech Culinary.

Not saying I'm gunna like it though or that I will not complain.

Anyways, the leaves have continued to change colors 

and it's getting colder by the day.

I'm certain it will snow in the relatively close future

although,

I'm from Florida...What the hell do I know?

Other reasons I am happy today also include but are not limited to..

I have the best Boy friend.(10.10.10)

I have the Best room mate (love you al!)

Al and I went for a wonderful walk today since we got so rudely kicked out of the rec center.

Tomorrow is Saturday. No class.

There is a soccer game tomorrow...GO STEELS!

Sunday I will be going to eat all you can eat pancakes at I-HOP and following my fat fest with a amazing looking rope course adventure.

I know next week is going to be hell...

So I am gunna soak in my happiness as much as I can right now.

Hopefully, I will find some kind of happiness next week

and the week after that

and for the next four weeks after that.

Because then I will be home =) 

I can't wait.

I would like to end this blog with a recommended song-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkyrIRyrRdY

<3 Be peaceful