Oh how I have longed for you.

IT'S DECEMBER!
I cannot believe it is finally December again! I thought this day would never come!
It doesn't feel like December but I'll take it!
Good things are sure to happen in this month.
and I am looking forward to them so greatly!
I will be 19 years young.
I will be going back to Florida.
I will be with my boo finally.
It's Christmas.
December is just a really good month.
22 days until I get another break.
ughhhh<3
sooo excited.

goodnight world.
Happy December and Happy first day of Hanukkah!

<3 Be Peaceful

I am a filler

only useful when needed
the spot could be filled by anyone
not valid
not anymore
i wont be a filler for you
find someone new

id rather be on my own

cant wait to be back in florida
twenty three days

i am peaceful

be peaceful

I try so hard hoping one day you'll come rescue me.

I'm tired...
I have a essay to finish
but as usual I can't focus so here I am blogging..
Whats new right?
I am not thrilled to be back in NY but the fact that in less than a month I'll be home and with my boo is keeping me going.
I honestly can't wait to be back in Florida.
Seeing my friends and family was amazingggg and I had alot of fun.
kinda made me miss it that much more.
But I'll extern at Disney and then four months following I'll be in Florida for the whole summer..
maybe not in my town but atleast I'll be warm
and I am looking forward to being able to show Al my town when we get a chance.
I don't feel good..
I wish this stomach buisness would go away seriously
gotta wake up early.. go to quest =/
ugh.
I gotta finish this essay quick... the college life blowssssss!
The only good part is my darling roommates enjoying fat food with me.
Salsa and chips anyone?
23 days to go!

<3 Be peaceful
and stay beautiful.

cant get much betterr..

sitting in the atlanta airport... eatin some arbys for breakfast
i realize im an over achiever thank you
this is my very first blog via driod.
weird that it has taken me this long to post from my phone since its always with me and my pc isnt
i have however realized that i cannot make smiles or capitals  also limited punctuation.
i suppose youll all get over this haha
anyways  i am in no hurry wat so ever to get back to ny where it is a toasty twenty four degrees
and i am also in no hurry to go to breads class... maybe i wont... who knows
what i do know is that this will be an extremely long day
hopefully the next twenty five days will go by faster..

back to my arbys

Sandwiches and freaking.

I couldn't have said it better myself...
oh wait, I did say that.
Long story short is:
I have some pretty amazing friends and I have missed them dearly
You truly never know how good you have it until it's gone.
And some(I emphasize some) of my friends are just really awesome friends.
with a few awesome friends awesome family and an awesome boyfriend its possible I may rule the world.
I can't wait for Christmas break
I was having anxiety about coming down for Thanksgiving because it's such a short break but..
although it is short, the mini break it what I needed to get through the next 26 days
and it also reassured me that I am doing what I need to be doing right now.
well really it also clued me into some things I should or need to be doing.
But there is also agreement with and Al secret when she once said "you are the last person I wanted to see on Thanksgiving"
and although I did correctly state sandwiches and freak. She correctly stated this and it's brilliant.
by the way sandwiches and freak is probably the next big bang theory and is SUPPPPERRR valid.
The fire tonight made me happy, it was only missing one thing but...
Next time fer sure.

lovingggg 26 days left.

<3 Be Peaceful

No one said it would be easy.

and it's not.

But it will all be worth it.

I know this

I do.

I think I need to do something for me.

I mean I do but something more important.

Something.

I can't wait around.

I need me when it's not easy.

This is making sense in my head I swear.

I'll try to stop rambling and get back to this.

<3 Be Peaceful

I'm sittin at a bar on the inside waitin for my ride on the outside..

It's 2:30 am for all unaware.
I am very aware... and tired may I add 
But it's the College life right? Stay up late wake up early?
I feel I am my must productive between the hours of 8:30pm and 4:00am.
Maybe this is because I get out of class at 8 and then have shit to do since I sleep all morning long as often as I possibly can which may I add is not that often.
But I guess you learn to get used to it.. I doubt I'll ever learn to love it though.
Anyways Happy Thankgiving all.
Hope you're going to have a wonderful day(when you wake up that is)
I feel as though I have a tremendously long day ahead of me
also that a lot of people will be expecting a lot out of me today
But it will all be worth it in the end, I know this.
and it's finally Thanksgiving break
and in less than a month Christmas break..
4 long and tiring months ago I thought these breaks would never come
and that B-Block would be the death of me...
Now I know E-Block will.... J/K.. F-Block for sure though
and can you believe I am already over half way through E-Block?
It's gone by so fast and yet so slow all at the same time...
anyway..if I'm gunna make it through E-Block alive, I have an essay to re-write.


Happy Thanksgiving.. Make sure to give thoughtful thanks.
<3Be Peaceful

It's offical folks!

Today is a good day.

For the Following Reasons:

1) We are well into 29 days left. I cannot believe we are already in to the twenties and I can't wait to get them over with!

2) This is my 50th blog post. So I think happiness is an appropriate topic and will celebrate this feat.

3) Today is the last day of class until Monday and I am in hopes that it will be an amazing and fun filled Thanksgiving Break.

4) I have the best Boyfriend in the world, as well as Parents, Family, and Friends.

I am thankful for happy days like these especially since they have gotten harder to have

and what a better time to be thankful huh?

I wish I were capable of feeding direct instructions in to peoples heads so I could help them with what they should be thankful of.

Moving to NY for college has made me thankful of so many things I used to take for granted.

and I regret taking them for granted but I'm glad I realize now so that I can make good of them.

because in reality, It's the little things that get you through the day.

People don't realize how much seeing a familiar face, road, or car means regardless of if your actually friends, or know the street or car well... just the familiarity.

Or how much a hug from a family member means.

Or the smile of your nieces and nephews.

Or even just holding the love of your life's hand.

It really is the little tiny things that you forget are the things that actually make your day.

I don't have a lot of these things but I am making due and trying to live off the little things I do have.

Like making Ally laugh so hard she cries. 

or having Krissy corner squat in my bed.

or having 1 am talks with Morgan from our separate beds until we are both to tired to process.

Regardless of the circumstances or home sick feelings,

I am happy.

even if it's just for the moment.

and I will drink it up for as long as I can.

<3 Be Peaceful.

You don't even know!

The thoughts running through my head are crazy! 

and all of them are good!

I am so excited for this break from class!

I need a break badly!

and its only 29 days until Christmas!

I'm in a good mood the last couple days and I'm sure it's from the letter from my bf 

so hopefully it will stay.

<3 Be Peaceful darlings!

It's A Beautiful Day.

It's sad to say that I had almost forgotten..
forgotten just how happy my boyfriend makes me.
Today I wasn't in the best of moods it was just an average day and Disney didn't make me very happy today but..
Then I went to the mail room to drop off a letter for my boyfriend.
It was the 2nd letter I had written but hadn't gotten any in return..
Expecting nothing in my mail box as usual
(which may I add is very depressing, I love getting Snail Mail.)
but then!!
There it was.. a crumpled white envelope with his hand writing on it.
I obviously immediately FREAKED!
Opened it and started to read, I made it to the stairs of the mail room before I had to sit down
I was shaking and crying and smiling and laughing all at the same time.
It's like this uncontrollable happiness I get.
and just from a letter he can make me feel this way, with butterflies in my stomach.
I miss him soooo much and his letter made my day.. actually probably my week.
And it also made reassured me that it is all worth it and I love him more than anything.

Besides Gushing.. I found out from Disney today that upon my acceptance I will be placed in the Polynesian Resort Bakery.
Check it out if you'd like..
I am still undecided about if I am going to in fact decide but I think an up coming event will help me figure it out.

anyways I'm tired and Have a shopping list to make.

31 more days<3

<3 Be Peaceful.

The days we trusted faded away.

Today I hung out with the girls and we checked out tons of different little boutiques and shops.

As we passed from one to the other, I realized I prefer old over new.

I would rather spend hours in a used shop then go to a mall.

I feel like the story of the thing gets passed on through me.

And everything is beautiful even if it is the ugliest pink corduroy jacket you've ever laid eyes on.

So anyway I didn't get much at the boutiques but I did get a really sweet $4.00 Red corduroy jacket at Goodwill along with some lounge pants. 

I wish their were more good thrift stores around.

Anyway, This short weekend has made me annoyed.. I wanted more time. 

But Thanksgiving break will make up for it I'm sure.

Other news include... WHAT THE HELL DO I WANT FOR MY B-DAY!?

I do not know the answer to that question...

Ugh, This gets harder every year I swear.

I guess I should be thankful for the fact that I feel like I have everything I need..

Of course there are things I want but they are just stupid little things that are not present worthy I don't think.

Maybe I'll ask for a thrift store shopping spree.

32 days and counting...Can't believe were almost in the twenties.. I can't WAITT!

<3 Be Peaceful

where nothing grew but weeds I found a flower at my feet.

The long six day week is over..
I am glad and hopeful the next four days will flyyyyy by.
Tonight I spent with Krissy, Al, Annelise, and Cameron. 
Tomorrow the girls and I will being going to New Paltz on an outing.
And then sadly it'll be the week again.
Today when Krissy and I went to the mall I took a peak for a Christmas present for my BF..
It made me happy because I was thinking about him but also because that means its really here.
Christmas time again!!
Which also means my birthday is here.
and I will be 19...
what an age huh? I think I'd like to stay 19 awhile..
I don't want to be Twenty
at twenty you are not a teen any longer..
A real grown up.
The thought makes me want to puke...
Oh wait. That's just my stomach hurting.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE!


34 more days.
<3 Be Peaceful

She never compromises, loves babies and surprises.

It's Friday and the week should be over but..

It's never that easy is it?

Nope.. Saturday class tomorrow for some ungodly reason.

I've felt less stressed today..
I don't know why though because I still have the same amount of shit on my plate as I have.
Maybe because my feet felt like heaven today?
I got Birkenstocks today and they are like the God of Kitchen shoes.
Worth every penny.

As I was gliding around class today though I realized something.

My Tech Chefs Cursed me.

I HATE standing by watching people do things wrong or half ass..

and even more so when they know they are doing it.

You should be able to be proud of what you are making, everything you make,

not just do it as fast as possible to get it done because then it looks like SHIT!

And I believe I got this from my chefs. so. I blame them! I suppose it's a good thing though.

Anyway, I am still undecided about Disney..
I can't make up my mind... There are so many good reasons and yet bad as well.
How am I supposed to know the right choice? I'm only 18 I cant make these decisions yet.
I wish I could look into my future and see the right choice but that's impossible.
HELP ME?!
only 34 more days.

<3 Be Peaceful

fuck.

All I want to do it cry.
I want to quit.
I don't want to do this.

Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense.

I am stresssssed!

The fact that Disney only gives me two weeks to decide I want to go there for my extern is driving me nuts.

The fact that bakeries can't email me back is annoying.

The fact that scholarships take so much time is ridiculous.

There are only so many hours in the day and...

these two and three am nights and eight am mornings are starting to get to me.

I just need some get away time

But I know that even when I have a few days of for thanksgiving when I know I will be more relaxed

I will still have soooo much to do and so much on my mind I'll be on my laptop constantly trying to get ahead.

Always trying to get ahead.

Never gettin there though.

ugh. 

Christmas couldn't come any sooner.

I know that is the one time when I won't think about what I have to do

but more of what I want to do.

All I will need to do is smile and be with the family and man that love me.

36 more tiring days

<3 Be Peaceful

 

Be my,

Be my little baby
Say you'll be my darling
Be my baby now
Ooh, ohh, ohh, oh 

Sitting on my floor watching dirty dancing with my two wonderful roommates.
I started the day not so joyful but it has gotten better as its gone by.
Breads was fun and I love our chef.
It felt amazing to be in a bakeshop.. smelling the bread, being around stuff I love.
Then I came home and had a really good conversation with my roommate.
It made me feel like I wasn't alone and that is a good feeling.
Then to top it off I found out I was accepted to Disney College Program for extern.
This was amazing news since I was worried I didn't do so hot during the interview
and I really wanted to get in.
The not so fun part about it that I have to decide if that is where I want to go within the next two weeks. 
Can you say PRESSUREEE?!
I guess that's part of life though right?
Hopefully I make the correct decision. =/  (any opinions are welcome)
But the day is almost over and that means it's one more day closer to Christmas. <3 
I'm getting sooo antsy to get home and be around people I love and who really love me too.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day. 38 more days <33 


Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth
and I owe it all to you

Be Peaceful <3

Useless

Staying up way to late results in uselessness.
I am staring at my computer screen thinking about how I need to do Pre day one work but..Nothin.
I'm tired. In general and of certain things.
I cant wait for the days to fly by so I can get to FL already.
anyways. Lately I've been itchin for another tattoo but next I need to get some stuff touched up instead of adding more. Expensive and painful hobby.
Also I am having the hardesttttt time finding somewhere to extern.
I don't want to work at a restaurant and that's making it difficult
plus the fact that I have no idea where I want to go doesn't help at allll.
can't lie...I am a little stressed the last couple days.
I need a nap


<3 Be peaceful

To be Frank. IDFC!

When I left high school at the end of my 11th grade year I hoped and prayed my life would be drama free.
This didn't happen.
Drama, Drama, Drama.
Finally when I moved to NY I thought "DRAMA FREE FINALLY!"
And I accomplished it for a long time.
but.( there's always a but isn't there??)

Turns out people like starting drama.
DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!
And frankly I don't have the time, the energy, or the CAREEE for that matter.
I am completely over the high school bullshit and I wish people here would have left that shit at home.
Bring your socks, leave your drama.
Why can't you just leave it alone.
Like seriously? SHUTUPPP!

Over it.
I have no use for it or people who take part.
So.. PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT: If you like to cause DRAMA stay the AWAY from ME!!!!
k thx.

<3 Be Peaceful.

I JUST WANT SOME NEW HAMPSHIRE TAP WATER!

Tonight was suchhhhh a good night.
I love hanging out with the ladies.
I love dancing like crazy.
I love fat foods.
I love good conversation.

I'll leave it at that.

<3 Be peaceful.

p.s. I ended with a B in my culinary class...Klugs not to tricky.  and I still can't find an extern I'm even remotely interested in.

TGIF

Ok so I know I should be studying for the final I have in a few hours but.. I can't focus so I might as well get all this stuff out of my head right?

So firstly Happy Friday to all! 

I am super happy it is Friday once again..

It means I made it through another week and it's that much closer to the holidays.

Besides my minor break down on Wed. 

I have had a pretty good week and hopefully it will continue.

Tonight I am hanging out with my lovely ladies and have a few other fun plans for the weekend as well.

Also Morgan is moving in TOMORROW. 

I can't believe it has already been six weeks, they have flown by for sure.

I'm sure my weekend happiness will hinder on how good I do or do not do on my Final quiz today.. Hopefully his trick questions are not to tricky. 

Chef Klug doesn't seem like that tricky of a guy but... people are not always what they seem.

Also in between the fun and games of the weekend I need to continue my search for a externship site.

Which is extremely frustrating because of course I can't be normal and just pick a bakery I have to look for the hard to get extern sites. 

and Career services has rarely been help. I NEED GUIDANCE! 

Ugh the life of a college student.

That's all for now.. Obviously I will update later with my final grade. 

<3 Be Peaceful

Today is a new day.

lets start with.. Be glad(very glad) I didn't blog yesterday.

Yesterday was a bad day fer sure even though I was trying so hard to be happy because it was a special day for me.. some people just know how to ruin your day ya know?

but as I was so wisely told by my lovely roommate and my corner squater that Today is a New day.

and I am trying hard to embrace that although I could really use a nap.

I feel like I did well on my essay that I just finished and I'm in a better mood. Also I'm looking forward to yoga tonight.

I am trying to proactively be happy everyday because it feels like it makes the days go faster.. plus being unhappy everyday is just..stupid. 

I would also like to address that today Nov. 11th is Veterans day. So Thank You to everyone in the service, I appreciate you. Also, I would like to acknowledge all of the people waiting at home for their loved ones.=) 

That's all more later. Have a wonderful day.

<3 be peaceful

p.s.

Recommended song= Vindicated 

and

Krissy- Get a new fuckin back pack, think about donuts more, you are a corner squater(officially), I like kicking you in the ass while I sleep. Al agrees with everything I just said. Promise

Yea..That just happened.

And so the days continue to pass

I went to the Disney presentation and have an interview at 10:30 tomorrow

I'm a little nervous because this is important to me

I have heard having to do a few interviews is typical but I would really like to ace it on the first try

obviously it will be blogged about so we will see what happens.

In other news, I find myself being more and more optimistic 

but I currently believe this also aids in my annoyance of others negativity

also I realized that when I am being negative...I just want to be negative for a little while

and at that current moment I don't want to hear any one's positive or optimistic views lol

Another thing I wanted to cover is that I feel I need to be more involved with school activities.

I always regreted not being more involved during high school and I don't want to do that again.

I want to take full advantage of everything around me

plus I'm paying a shit ton for it so I might as well right?

I also really want to start a green club.

A club that would help clean up the campus and that could do some volunteering opportunities.

So if any one is reading this and wants to help or can help, or wants to be involved, or help me get involved..or just has something to say feel free to get a hold of me

Lastly.. support a FL local and check out these cheesecakes.

http://blueswanscheesecakes.weebly.com/

44 days and counting 

<3 Be Peaceful

Things are looking up.

Today has been a pretty good day.

I woke up to a text from Mo saying it was time to make french toast

So we made delicious french toast from stolen Farq Hall Challah.

Then I continued my day by working on my essay and my resume.

After being slightly productive Al and I met Mo at the gym

where I had a lovely work out as usual.

This was then followed by a lovely shower.

Finally it was time for the Disney presentation of Toy Story 3

which was an amazing movie and then I got to talk to a girl who externed at Disney

Which I don't believe I have talked about in my blog yet so FYI!

I applied to Disney as a possible extern site in the Baking and Pastry College program

(you can check it out online)

Then to top of my day..Mo, Al, Krissy, Annelise, myself, and shortly after eric..

all gathered in the kitchen for family meal which we are trying to make a habit of

We made bowtie pasta with red sauce we made in class this week, garlic bread, and bread pudding.

Fatty and delicious! 

Prior to us eating I got to talk to mi Madre which is joyous to me on most days since I miss her greatly and can't wait to see her

She gave me more good news and I got to talk to her more after dinner and she made me laughhhhhhh and laugh

I realize daily that I am more and more like my mother. I am in fact My mothers Daughter.

and I wouldn't change that for the world.

then to end my night I wrote my first letter to my boyfriend.

When you go to sleep happy, you wake up happy, when you wake up happy, you have a happy day and so on and so forth. 

I stick by this philosophy.

Goodnight world! only 45 more days<3

<3 Be Peaceful

p.s. Do something nice today...make someone else happy...couldn't hurt right? ;)

heavy.

Things have been weighing heavily on my mind the last couple days.
Bad things.
I need to take care of these things so I can stop thinking about them.
I want to have light shoulders again.
Hopefully I can take care of them tomorrow or the next day and be done with it.
I hope.

Wish I was going home for Thanksgiving
But I know that's impossible.

That's all.

Pardon me while I burst into flames..

2nd blog of the day... so much for slacking.

I have felt like crap all day but 

knowing its the weekend and I can now write my love a letter has kept me going until...

I was sitting in the hallway waiting for class to start and I saw something

that was border line punishment.

I wanted to scream "WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME!"

and burst into flames all at the same time. (Which Incubus accurately describes in the song Pardon me.)

After I saw this sight I started whining and hitting my head against Krissys lap in a playful manner.

But really it affected me a little more then I'd like to show in front of every one

It's just one of those things you see and it just touches so close to home it kills you inside.

I'm sure your wondering well WTH did you see?!

And I will tell you.

I saw a girl in her chef whites walking down the hall way..

She was holding the hand of a man I assumed to be her significant other.

I'm sure you're probably thinking So what? you see couples together all the time.

This couple was not the same...

She was in her chef whites and he was in a US Army Uniform. 

And I was in Awe. I never thought I'd see this exact thing..

Something I have been wishing for(knowing it's impossible of course)

It made me sad, upset, and weirdly in some ways optimistic. I suppose in hopes that if they could make it work so could I.

I'm undecided on if I appriciate this or if it in fact was punishment. 

All I DO know is that I can't wait to see him. 49Days.

<3 Be Peaceful

Slacker.

Apparently I have been slacking on my blogging. 

and pretty much everything else as well.

Unfortunately I am sick AGAINNN...seems like I just got better and now I'm sneezing 24-7 all over again.

And being sick takes a toll on my productiveness(if that's even a word)

Anyway...I took my first Culinary Skills quiz and I got a 5/5 on it which even though that's not a lot of points I was happy about. I guess in some ways it proves that I understand and I have done this before so I kinda have a reason to bitch because it's a really boring class. Oh and we started cooking our own dinner last night... Guess what we made??

Steak and Potatoes(also risotto and cauliflower) none of which I was thrilled to eat. Can I just have a salad?

In other news... Plans for the weekend include Mad Hatters tonight depending on how shitty I feel. 

The rest of the weekend will most likely consist of Sleeping all day and night in hopes of being over this cold by Monday. As well as writing an essay and doing some home work.

God my life is so eventful....

Can't wait to be home 49 days <3

<3 be peaceful.

Optimistic.

This weeks not going as fast as the last ones did but I'm being positive. In another week Morgan will move in, Then I will be starting in an actual baking class, Then Thanksgiving, Then Christmas. It's nice to look at the white board everyday and see the days ticking away. We will be in the forties tomorrow. then thirties. then twenties. then ten, then zero. <3

Also, Even though I know I have been complaining about My lame Culinary skills class a lot I just want to acknowledge a few things. I appreciate a majority of the people in my class and I'm glad I got to meet a lot of them and I consider them my friends which makes the class not as horrible. Also its nice to be in a kitchen again especially the team work aspect. I love when everyone helps for a common cause. And the quiz today was super easy so that took some stress off. Never the less I'll be glad to bake in my next class.

Lastly I would like to say I am sick again and I hate the state of NY for this. I rarelyyyy go sick back home. FMLHC! luckily this one is not currently and hopefully will not be as bad as the last time. I can still semi function even though I have been in a shitty mood all day and everyone is annoying the crap out of me. and because of this..today I appreciate Morgan more then she will ever know. Stephanie <3's Mojangles.

<3 Be Peaceful