One Week Deep.

A week deep and I am already so stressed I want to cry.
I try talking to my loved ones for some support, some reassurance but it just frustrates me and makes me not want to talk anymore.
Being in a different state and having a horrendous class schedule is making my life so difficult.
Then I am expected to find a job to add onto it.
How can I work? The only time I get to myself is the weekends and even on the first week its going to be spent reading hundreds of pages of shit I don't care about.
I keep telling myself , if I can get through the next 8 months I will be fine.
But the truth of the matter is, I bit off more than I could chew.
I can't afford to go to the number one culinary school and I will be and am already in debt so deep, I'm not sure I will ever be able to get out of it.
Hearing people talk about paying off there student debt at the age of 40 makes me cringe.
I don't want to be that 40 year old with huge payments every month for an education most don't even think was worth the time.
And what happens if I get into the real world when this is all said and done and I don't even want to do this?
I feel like I am working so hard and in the end I am going to come up short.
Jobless, not knowing what I want to do in life, and in Debt. The perfect way to start a life of my own.
I just want to quit.

-Peaceful is hard when your in debt at 19.

Home sick Kick.

I think I just got hit in the face with homesick.
I suddenly got really sad.
Maybe talking to my mom and then talking to Alan right after did the trick.
I really miss being home, not to mention home with Alan.
ugh =/
And I pretty much failed at packing which in turn is costing me money.. lots of money.


I guess on the good side is that classes seem really cool.
My teachers are cool and the work seems pretty easy.
I have Restaurant Law, Nutrition, Costing, Intro to Management, and Menu Development.
All of which include a million projects but luckily they are mostly group so it won't be as much work.
Also I have my darling Cameron next to me.
Hopefully all goes well as I am planning.

As far as New York goes.. Its freakin cold already and its been raining to make it even colder.
Can't I just get a couple weeks of semi warm before it turns into the freakin Arctic.
Ugh..

<3 Be Peaceful

VA or Bust!

I am leaving tomorrow to head up north as I am moving into my dorm on Monday.
On my way to NY I am stopping in VA to see my lovely sister, brother in law, and their two kids.
This is VERY exciting. I haven't seen them in a long time and probably wont see them for awhile after this trip.
This is also bitter sweet because I am leaving home..again..
You'd think I'd be use to it by now... I'm not.
Oh well.. I will be home again in December and my lovely, amazing, handsome boyfriend will be too. =)
That fact I am thrilled about.


<3 Be Peaceful

Repo

It's nice when you get that feeling of overwhelming gratefulness.
I am grateful for a lot of people in my life... the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Every person makes an impact on your life one way or another.

Currently I am grateful for my darling boyfriend.
He puts up with all my crazy antics even when he lives in a different state.
Sometimes it is hard, for both of us I know but those are the times when you become grateful.
I am grateful to have him in my life and would put up with an immense amount of nonsense to keep him there.

I think in life it is hard to see how great you really have it when you are in it.
But in reality you most likely have it better than most and people are dying to be where you are.

I just want to say.. let people know that you are grateful to have them around.
You may think so but.. they don't always know.
And even if they do it is a nice thing to hear every now and then.

<3Be grateful, Be peaceful, and live on

An Interest.

I haven't been in the best place the last couple days and I know I am not alone.
One of my closest friends has been on the same page with me.
I think the troubles we are having is that we take such an interest while others don't.
It's giving 110% and only getting back 50%.
It's missing someone terribly and only being a random tiny thought in the back of their head.

It is a really hard concept to grasp.
The fact that someone may or may not care about you or something or about anything as much as you do.
I sometimes think that we should let go. I believe that if we care our love will pay off.
Someday someone will realize how much we actually care and they will acknowledge it, maybe even return it.

I guess one can only hope.
Positivity.

<3 Be Peaceful

Ode to Russ.

I really need to step up my blogging.. or so I have been told.
 This blog has nothing to do with Russell btw.

Lately I have not been baking... at all.
Not really surprising since I'm not working anymore. 
maybe it's good to take a break since I am going to be baking daily for the next 9 months.
I feel like I am having a baby..made of bread and cake.. when I say that.
BUT I'M NOT! I will come out with an ASSOCIATES!
Lately I have realized I can make a damn good sandwich!
also have been making many! haha
and so maybe I am destined to work at subway.
Oh and I make a bangin Tuna Melt.

I made scones the other day (my favorite pastry)
and frankly they sucked.
I haven't made them in over a year but still annoying to me.
Scones, scones, scones... can't live with them and DEFF can't live without them.

Anyway..
it's been taking some getting used to living in my parents house again. I'm used to people being around but family its different.
I got used to coming and going as I please, making myself food, and entertaining myself.
Makes me wonder what will happen next April.
Maybe get a good job and get in school then I can look into going out on my own.
And so I suppose I should SOAK it UP! while I'm here.
speaking of soaking up.. I am soaking up all the Florida Friend time I can get...(ok so I guess Russell is included here)
I like my Florida friends. maybe the most... or just because I have known them the longest.

Although I am excited to go back to NY.
Wear my new boots and see Cameron Talotta!


Time to Party.

<3 Be Peaceful

haven't posted in awhile.

Life has been going on even though I haven't been posting.

I finished my extern which I am SUPER STOAKED about.
I feel one step closer to my associates degree.
I had fun while I was in Orlando and made some great friends.

Now I am off for a whole month and have no idea how I will productively spend it.
I and going to try not to sleep it away.
and a tan is high priority.

Excitement is building for going back to NY.
I can't wait to see all my friends up there and start a new year.
I think sophomore year is going to be wayyyy better.

anyway.. Stumbleupon is calling me.

<3 Be peaceful.